Helping Your Child Cope With The Death Of Their Pet

Chances are your childs first experience of death
will be the loss of the family pet. How can you
help them to deal with this and prepare for the
departure of their beloved friend?

Firstly understand the bond that children have
with animals. Most likely this will be the first
relationship where they undoubtedly gave and
received unconditional love, outside of parents,
sibling etc. This will be the friend who was
there for them when they had a bad day at
school, when they got sent to their room for bad
behaviour and also there for the fun, happy
times. So bear in mind this will be a massive
wrench for them. Don't underestimate the love
your child would have received and felt. There
will also be a level of commitment and
responsibility that they will have developed,
from grooming and feeding, to walking and cuddle
time. This will have created a huge bond and time
slots in their daily life that will now be gone.

Secondly, when it comes to explaining pet death,
stick to the truth. Don't fluff it up or skirt
around the facts. If your pet has an illness and
is likely to be put down you will need to start
preparing your child. A good way to know what
they're capable of understanding is to let their
questions guide you. After the obvious statement
from you telling them about what's going to
happen, they will likely have their own
questions and that will be enough for them at
the beginning. Don't flood them with information
let it gradually come out as the process goes on.
If you do decide to euthanize your pet then you
must tell your child. Let them know when it will
happen and why. They will need to have time to
say goodbye. They may not understand that your
pets body is unable to carry on and explaining
to them that this is the best option for the
animal as they will no longer be in pain is a
good start.

Adults struggle with the concept of death never
mind trying to explain it to a child. No one can
say what is best for your child you know them
best. However it's a good idea not to make it
too complicated. Maybe start by asking them what
their idea of death is. Children have wild
imaginations so they may have formed a magical
place in their mind that their friend has gone
to. Encourage them to describe this place and
what their pet is doing. Perhaps you could get
them to draw it and keep it on their wall.
Honesty is never a bad thing and regardless of
your religious or spiritual beliefs you can
always say that you're not 100% sure, if of
course you're not. In my opinion it's not a good
idea to use the phrase "they've gone to sleep" or
are being "put to sleep" as this could cause fear
for them at night when trying to sleep. Saying
"they've left us and are in a better place" can
make your child angry and feel that their pet
had somewhere they wanted to go without them.
Keep it simple explain that death can be from an
accident or illness and old age. Let them
understand that just like humans, an animals
body can wear out and weaken from sickness.

Talk to them about grief and how it's ok to be
sad and miss their friend at times. Lastly,
don't try and replace their pet straight away
with another one, give it some time. They may
feel disloyal if they like the new pet straight
after the death of the other one. Talk to your
child about the fun things they used to do
together and encourage them to speak to you
about their favourite memories. Let your child
pick their favourite photo of them with their
pet and have it framed and put in their bedroom.
If they want to hold onto a toy or a collar,
don't disapprove it will help them to feel that
they still have some physical contact. Make sure
you don't clear the house of all the pet items
straight away, your child will need to feel that
not everything has been taken away and that
there's some normal feeling of the pet still
around the house. A simple memorial in your
garden or at the park is a constructive way to
let your child say goodbye. Planting a shrub
that they get to pick out for their pet and
burying a special drawing they've done with it
is also a good way for them to have some
closure.

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Alex Kelly

As a pet owner, my articles are based on issues
I feel are important for fellow animal lovers.
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